It’s Chris Conlan’s birthday today. Friend, boss, nature lover, granddad, Chris is an inspiration to us all. Happy birthday mate from everyone here at LOVE HQ.
We usually make a hideously offensive pornographic card to celebrate these occasions, but since we’re a tiny bit worried about getting fired, we thought we’d ask you, readers, to get in trouble instead.
So it’s with great pleasure that we announce the first annual Chris Conlan Caption Competition!
Chris scores a 0 on Strictly Come Dine With Me
Captions in the comments please. Best caption wins a pink feather boa.
“I can’t believe my voice has gone that high from nipping my scr*tum”
“Just a one Cornetto”
Ooh…errr….I thought Pink Lady was a type of potato…
A story to tell the Gran kids…
M-m-mum????
“When I ordered the SALMON SPECIAL this is not what I had in mind. Can I have the turkey instead?”
Mum?
“I find if you tuck it *right* under, you don’t need to use a beer bottle to disguise the bulge!”
Who told you ‘Mariah Carey’s All I want for Christmas’ was my favourite song?. It’s not my birthday no but it feels like it now.
“I need a pee love, I haven’t got time for this’
Is that MY feather boa???
“I’m going to give the creative department a massive pay rise for organising this my darling”
I don’t know why I’ve got my hands in my lap, but I appreciate the fact that it looks very awkward…
“Oooooh! i seem to have set my cock on fire!”
Knowing Chris….
“Can I have the bill please”
“No my mum didn’t iron my shirt you cheeky git. I did!”
“… when you said we’d have a little yang sing …”
Where did you pull that microphone from?
Don’t I know you from somewhere? Oh yes, that back street bar in Amsterdam… hahaha.
That feather boa reminds of this one time I was in Amsterdam with the guys. Brrrrrr it was cold. Did I just say that outloud?”
“Ooh, me dumplings!”
“Oh, that’s lovely. That’s first class. That is superb. Ooh, there you go, it’s all happening!”
” and IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU”
Jesus, where’d you find that image?!
Myers, Owen…my office 9am Monday!
“Yeah, I like to call it ‘the Steve Jobs look’ – you simply combine a black top, stone wash jeans (preferably from the ’80s) and if you look down there………white traineeeeeeees!”
Can’t believe we’ve both turned up in the same…wig
“soya dumplings?”
“you shouldn’t have been looking!”
‘Don’t i know you from Jacqueline’s??”
Joey Deacon: “You’re not my normal translator.”
It’s mine?
“all together now. My old man said be a City fan and I said”
Uh, uh – let me touch it! Pleeease!
Don’t let go of that axe!
” I thought I told you to wait in the van.”
I think it’s a shame that you can’t tell from this photo what a lovely singing voice Chris has.And I think it’s pretty mean to make funny comments when Chris takes his karaoke very seriously and practices every weekend.
“Not now Daaaaad!! I’m with my friends!”
Chris surprises the singer by pulling out his chrome dick.
“i’m from The Isle Of Man!”
OK you have persuaded me. I will vote for Qatar for the 2022 World Cup
OO Betty, I just done whoopsy on the floor!
A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation aint satisfactioning me!
“When I asked for something Hot and Spicy with my beer-I meant FOOD.”
” What’s that? You’ll go out with me if I get my ear pierced? Brilliant!”
I’m the king of corruption, the duke of deception.
A little drawing of a chicken